10 Ways to Beat the Holiday Blues

Holiday depression is painfully real for many people. Others suffer from SAP (Seasonal Affective Disorder). One of my clients described it best:

"From Thanksgiving to New Years I feel as if I've dropped into a black hole. I see all these people with cheery smiles and ruddy faces and it actually makes me sick. I have to try to fake a smile and force a cheery comment, but that only makes me feel more isolated. I guess the season reminds me of my childhood Christmases, which were always horrible. My parents were always drunk and seemed to always stage their worst fight of the year on Christmas. And as the youngest in the family, I was made to feel that if I had any complaints, I was being a baby. So I learned to internalize my feelings, especially during the holidays."

Like my client, a great number of people suffer from depression during the holidays, often because of depressing memories, and they seem resigned to it. But there are things you can do to not only diminish your funk but even make the holidays an enjoyable experience.

One: Talk to somebody. Talk to a friend, a family member, a therapist, or a dog. Talk to somebody who can hear you without judging you. Better yet, talk to somebody who shares the same funk. When you talk to somebody, you relieve the depression and you form a bond with another person.

Two: Do something completely different. Plan a trip to an exotic place-Tibet, Morocco, a tropical forest in South America. Join a tour where you can meet other people. Or, if you can't afford that, do something different where you live. Look for local activities that interest you-a candlelight service or sing-along at a church; a walking tour; an online chat festival. Do something that distracts you from your negative thinking and inspires you.

Three: Volunteer. In order to stop feeling down on yourself, use the time to help people who are less fortunate than you. Volunteer for a soup kitchen, a toy drive or a hospital. There is nothing that can raise your spirits more than giving of yourself, and you might just meet other people who are similarly inclined.

Four: Take a friend to Christmas events. If you're someone who dreads being single or alone at holiday events, take a friend to the office party, to Thanksgiving dinner, or to Christmas and New Year's celebrations. You'll feel better knowing you have someone at your side, someone to talk to when nobody else is paying attention to you, and someone to commiserate with afterwards.

Five: Set your boundaries. Know your limits and stick to them. Only attend the events you want to attend, and stay only as long as you want to. Don't hesitate to drop by for a minute or two and then announce that you have a crowded holiday schedule. People will understand that it's a busy time of year and will respect you for setting your boundaries. And knowing your stay is temporary will ease the stress of being places you don't necessarily want to be.

Six. Try laugh therapy. Laughter, as they say, is the best medicine. It is known to be a release of anger, and physiologically it sends endorphins into your body, giving you a sense of well-being. Get hold of your favorite funny movies and spend the holidays watching them. Even better, invite a like-minded friend to watch them with you.

Seven. Work on your novel. Use the holiday period to do something creative or useful. If you have an unfinished novel on our computer files, get it out and start revising it. Or do other creative projects such as redecorating your apartment, learning a new piece on your keyboard, or writing a diary. Or clean out your basement and organize your closet. You'll feel better if you do.

Eight. Get some exercise. Exercise, like laughter, releases endorphins and raises your spirits. Do something you've never done before, such as ice skating or skiing. Go to a gym, take a walk in an interesting section of town, wander through a park. You may not feel like it, but do it anyway. You'll be glad you did.

Nine. Take Risks. You may have a strong desire to stay home and avoid potential pitfalls; but this only exacerbates your depression. Try to step out of your comfort zone and take some risks. Make it a point to do one thing a week that arouses anxiety. You may reach out for an old friend, go to a party, or talk to a stranger at a museum. Even if you don't get a positive response, you'll feel better about yourself for having braved a rejection.

Ten. Make resolutions. As New Year's Day approaches, make some constructive resolutions. Promise yourself to drink less, to finish projects, to begin doing yoga or therapy. This will get you out of the funk and give you hope. There's nothing more curative than hope.

Why is nobody allowed to criticize feminism?

A while back I posted a question on a forum to which I belong. “Has feminism gone too far?” Underneath the headline I wrote a brief statement describing ways in which feminism as a social movement had overstepped its original goal of establishing equal rights between men and women.

No sooner had I posted this message than I was hit with numerous hostile replies. One woman inserted a picture of a long pole and said, “I wouldn’t touch this post with a ten-foot pole.” She implied that anybody who started a thread questioning feminism was simply trying to stir up trouble. Other replies had similar hostile attitudes and made similar assumptions about me, all directly or indirectly implying that I was prejudiced against women, up to no good, a narrow-minded bigot, a secret misogynist. or just plain antiquated. And all I had done was ask a question.

This has happened on many occasions in almost the same way. Hence, it has become clear that there is an unspoken rule to the effect that nobody is allowed to criticize feminism. Feminism has become a modern holy cow. The question is why? Why are we not allowed to criticize feminism?

Feminism was one of the most powerful social moments of the 20th Century, a movement that resulted in vast changes in our values. We are allowed to examine other movements that brought sweeping changes, such as Communism or Islam or Socialism. Why should feminism be any different than other movements?

When I posed this question to a “feminist” professor, she replied. “Feminism isn’t like other movements. It’s a direct response to discrimination against women that went on for hundreds of years. Any criticism of feminism is seen as the beginning of the end of feminism and the return to discrimination.” Her response helped me to understand that feminism has become more than a social movement. It is a crusade.

Movements can be looked at objectively. Crusades cannot. When I said to her, “I don’t necessarily agree that women were discriminated against for hundreds of years; it depends on how you define discrimination,” her reply was, “Then you’re blind.” If I disagreed with her, there was something wrong with me--that was her underlying message.

A wall has seemingly been set up that cannot be crossed. Anybody who crosses it is viewed as a villain. Feminists believe anybody who crosses that wall is a prejudiced person who doesn’t “get it.” I believe, on the contrary, that there are always two sides to every question and to every movement, and both sides need to be heard. I also believe that it is harmful to society and to each individual in a society when the values we live by cannot be questioned.

When we cannot question the values we live by, we feel oppressed. When we feel oppressed, our emotional and physical health suffers. When our health suffers we are only partially alive. I say, let’s pull down the walls. Let’s have open discussions. Let’s have a truly egalitarian society.