“When we walked into [his] house as kids, there was just a very eerie feeling in the air. It was not a nice place.” This is how a neighbor remembered going into Levy Aron’s family home in Brooklyn when he was a kid. What happened in that home?
Paul J. Browne, the chief spokesman for the Police Department stated a neighborhood woman told him that Aron had tried to lure her son into his car a year ago. How many children had he lured before? How many had he wanted to lure?
Parents on the block didn’t want their kids to go near him, said another neighbor, Chaim Lefkovitz, 39. A family acquaintance, Lee Vogel, 21, said, “There was something strange about him. You know when you see Charles Manson, he has that look in his eye? Levy had that look.” Why hadn't someone done something about him before?
Levy Aron, a 35-year-old loner who still lives in the same house with his father and uncle, confessed last week to kidnapping and murdering Leiby Kletzky, an eight-year-old boy who got lost while walking seven blocks from his day camp to meet his mother. Various reports since then have raised more questions than answers.
Aron said in his confession he saw Kletzky standing around in Borough Park, an Orthodox Jewish neighborhood in Brooklyn. He asked if he needed a ride somewhere and the boy, who was autistic, went with him. Did his autism make him susceptible?
Aron said he attended a wedding later that day, but witnesses say they didn't see the boy there. What did he do with the boy? The following day went to work. What did he do with the boy? Police say they saw rope marks on the boy's remains. Was he tied up that day? Aron said he suffocated the boy with a towel, then cut the boy's body up and put it in a dumpster. For some reason, he wrapped the boy's feet in plastic bags in his refrigerator. Why did he keep the feet?
At his arraignment Aron's lawyer, Pierre Bazile, asked for a psychiatric exam, pointing out that Aron was hearing voices and having hallucinations. During the proceedings, Aron giggled. These are all symptoms of schizophrenia. Why had his schizophrenia never been diagnosed and taken care of?
Recent research has linked schizophrenia with childhood abuse. Other research has shown that kids molested or abused during childhood often end up becoming molesters or abusers themselves. Leonard Shengold used the term, "Soul Murder," to describe severe abuse. Monsters, this research suggests, are not born, but made by monstrous childhood conditions. When a man has had his soul murdered as a boy, does he look for another susceptible boy on whom to displace his murderous rage?
Leibby Kletzky, the only boy among four sisters, was described by family friend Schmuel Eckstein as "a great kid. He's an angel." What would his future have been?
Aron dreamed of singing on American Idol, but his profile on MySpace listed only one interest, a movie called What is Love? Had Aron ever known love?
Questions arise about two tragedies in Brooklyn. One happened to a boy who grew up in a twisted house on Second Street. The other happened when that boy became an adult and met another boy in Borough Park. Tragedies that bring up many questions, but few answers. Meanwhile a family and a community must find the guts to go on.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Sports Therapy: The Women's Cup of Soccer
Some people try to raise their sagging spirits by drinking spirits. Some people try to do it by playing the lottery and hoping they win. Some people try to raise their spirits by squashing other people’s spirits—displacing their anger on their spouse or children. These, of course, are all dubious and harmful ways.
On the other hand, the Women’s World Cup of Soccer has given us a totally healthy way to raise our spirits.
From USA’s miraculous last-second comeback game against Brazil to the championship final between the USA and Japan, which Japan won in a last-second comeback, women’s soccer has made our spirits—and Japan’s—soar.
The game against Brazil was one of the all-time classics of international soccer. No movie script could have been written with more drama. The USA women were down 2 goals to 1 and the game was in the last minute of extra time. They were also down a player, due to a penalty. The announcers were sadly lamenting the imminent loss when all of a sudden Megan Rapinoe flew down the left side of the field and kicked a last-second, desperate but beautiful ball in front of the net and Abby Wambach leaped into the air and headed it into the net.
And then when the two teams each took turns kicking penalty shots USA goalie, Hope Solo, whose beauty and feistiness has made her the face of the Women’s team, made a lovely, athletic dive to stop one of Brazil’s penalty shots. That gave the USA the margin of victory.
After this game a short video appeared on Youtube by a 22-year-old video-maker named Robby Donaho, celebrating the victory by showing fans all over the country going crazy. These fans, young and old, male and female, were jumping and running about and screaming at the top of their lungs. Yes, their spirits were obviously high.
More than that, the USA Women’s Soccer Team demonstrated how to hang tough through hard times, something we all need to learn. At one point in the game against Brazil, Hope Solo swooped down and seemingly stopped a penalty shot. But a referee blew her whistle and claimed that one of the American players were off side. So just when it appeared USA had accomplished a major triumph, Brazil was allowed to kick again, and this time they prevailed.
The call was very controversial and might have caused another team to brood. Maybe another team might have hung their heads and cursed their fate and been unable to play their best. But this didn’t happen to the USA. They never gave up trying their best, and in the end they not only endured, they won.
In the championship game, it was Japan that scored at the end of the game, and Japan that won on penalty shots. And so Japan got its first World Cup and helped rebuild the spirit of Japan, a country that has suffered greatly since the Tsunami of March 11.
People say, “It’s just a game.” But sometimes an athletic competition is more than a game. Sometimes it is a psychological antidote to all that is wrong in the world—from war to tsunamis to individual personal anxieties and depressions.
Call it Sports Therapy.
On the other hand, the Women’s World Cup of Soccer has given us a totally healthy way to raise our spirits.
From USA’s miraculous last-second comeback game against Brazil to the championship final between the USA and Japan, which Japan won in a last-second comeback, women’s soccer has made our spirits—and Japan’s—soar.
The game against Brazil was one of the all-time classics of international soccer. No movie script could have been written with more drama. The USA women were down 2 goals to 1 and the game was in the last minute of extra time. They were also down a player, due to a penalty. The announcers were sadly lamenting the imminent loss when all of a sudden Megan Rapinoe flew down the left side of the field and kicked a last-second, desperate but beautiful ball in front of the net and Abby Wambach leaped into the air and headed it into the net.
And then when the two teams each took turns kicking penalty shots USA goalie, Hope Solo, whose beauty and feistiness has made her the face of the Women’s team, made a lovely, athletic dive to stop one of Brazil’s penalty shots. That gave the USA the margin of victory.
After this game a short video appeared on Youtube by a 22-year-old video-maker named Robby Donaho, celebrating the victory by showing fans all over the country going crazy. These fans, young and old, male and female, were jumping and running about and screaming at the top of their lungs. Yes, their spirits were obviously high.
More than that, the USA Women’s Soccer Team demonstrated how to hang tough through hard times, something we all need to learn. At one point in the game against Brazil, Hope Solo swooped down and seemingly stopped a penalty shot. But a referee blew her whistle and claimed that one of the American players were off side. So just when it appeared USA had accomplished a major triumph, Brazil was allowed to kick again, and this time they prevailed.
The call was very controversial and might have caused another team to brood. Maybe another team might have hung their heads and cursed their fate and been unable to play their best. But this didn’t happen to the USA. They never gave up trying their best, and in the end they not only endured, they won.
In the championship game, it was Japan that scored at the end of the game, and Japan that won on penalty shots. And so Japan got its first World Cup and helped rebuild the spirit of Japan, a country that has suffered greatly since the Tsunami of March 11.
People say, “It’s just a game.” But sometimes an athletic competition is more than a game. Sometimes it is a psychological antidote to all that is wrong in the world—from war to tsunamis to individual personal anxieties and depressions.
Call it Sports Therapy.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Obesity and childhood bonding: new studies
Childhood obesity has more than tripled in the past 30 years. The prevalence of obesity among children aged 6 to 11 years increased from 6.5% in 1980 to 19.6% in 2008. The prevalence of obesity among adolescents aged 12 to 19 years increased from 5.0% to 18.1%, according to the National Institutes of Health. Childhood obesity has both immediate and long-term effects.
Obese children are more likely to have risk factors for heart disease. They have a greater risk for bone and joint problems, sleep disorders, and social and psychological problems. They are more likely to be obese as adults and risk other diseases such as diabetes, stroke, several types of cancer and osteoarthritis.
Now amid questions about the causes of this jump in obesity, a number of studies, reported in Science Daily, have surfaced that show a link between childhood obesity and insecure bonding with parents,
One study showed that toddlers who do not have a secure attachment, usually with their mothers, have a 30% chance of becoming obese by age 4-1/2. Another study linked childhood obesity with parental neglect, citing cases in which both parents work and do not provide adequate attention to their kids. Still another study indicated a link between mothers involved in domestic abuse and obesity in their children.
Mary Ainsworth did pioneering work on the importance of attachment for babies. She described securely attached children as those who rely on their parents as a "safe haven," which allows them to explore their environments freely, adapt easily to new people and be comforted in stressful situations. Toddlers who are insecurely attached tend to have experienced negative or unpredictable parenting, and may respond to stress with extreme anger, fear or anxiety, or avoid or refuse interactions with others.
When babies and toddlers form insecure attachments in their early childhood, they are more susceptible to a range of adult psychological and physiological disorders. Poor bonding as children leads to poor bonding with peers and later with intimate others. Eating is used as a way of dealing with stressful situations, and chronic over-eating leads to the array of diseases mentioned previously.
The problem is staggering and if we are to address it effectively we will have to do something nearly impossible: change our values. Adults must put the primary emphasis on child rearing rather than on their careers. Their child’s well-being must take priority over their jobs. They must be sure their child is getting quality attention. The key word is “quality.”
A parent who stays home and resents it will not foster quality intimacy and will not be helping a child to form a good bond. Parents who stay home but give their children sugary foods whenever they are down rather than giving them emotional comfort will be unwittingly encouraging obesity.
A good parent is not just there but also emotionally there.
Obese children are more likely to have risk factors for heart disease. They have a greater risk for bone and joint problems, sleep disorders, and social and psychological problems. They are more likely to be obese as adults and risk other diseases such as diabetes, stroke, several types of cancer and osteoarthritis.
Now amid questions about the causes of this jump in obesity, a number of studies, reported in Science Daily, have surfaced that show a link between childhood obesity and insecure bonding with parents,
One study showed that toddlers who do not have a secure attachment, usually with their mothers, have a 30% chance of becoming obese by age 4-1/2. Another study linked childhood obesity with parental neglect, citing cases in which both parents work and do not provide adequate attention to their kids. Still another study indicated a link between mothers involved in domestic abuse and obesity in their children.
Mary Ainsworth did pioneering work on the importance of attachment for babies. She described securely attached children as those who rely on their parents as a "safe haven," which allows them to explore their environments freely, adapt easily to new people and be comforted in stressful situations. Toddlers who are insecurely attached tend to have experienced negative or unpredictable parenting, and may respond to stress with extreme anger, fear or anxiety, or avoid or refuse interactions with others.
When babies and toddlers form insecure attachments in their early childhood, they are more susceptible to a range of adult psychological and physiological disorders. Poor bonding as children leads to poor bonding with peers and later with intimate others. Eating is used as a way of dealing with stressful situations, and chronic over-eating leads to the array of diseases mentioned previously.
The problem is staggering and if we are to address it effectively we will have to do something nearly impossible: change our values. Adults must put the primary emphasis on child rearing rather than on their careers. Their child’s well-being must take priority over their jobs. They must be sure their child is getting quality attention. The key word is “quality.”
A parent who stays home and resents it will not foster quality intimacy and will not be helping a child to form a good bond. Parents who stay home but give their children sugary foods whenever they are down rather than giving them emotional comfort will be unwittingly encouraging obesity.
A good parent is not just there but also emotionally there.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Should we raise our kids to be genderless?
A few weeks ago the Internet was buzzing with the story about a Canadian couple who was raising their three sons without telling them what gender they were.
Kathy Witterick, 38, and her husband, David Stocker, 39, said they wanted to eliminate any chance for gender stereotypes to creep into their children’s development. “It is inappropriate to impose gender identity on a child,” she stated in a report by Zachary Roth on The Lookout, a Yahoo News Blog. “If you really want to get to know someone,” her husband echoed, “You don’t ask what’s between their legs.”
The couple refused to reveal the sex of their newest son, Storm, not even to their nearest relatives, until he was born, and then they proceeded not to tell the boy anything about his gender identity nor surround him with anything that suggested either sex. They claim they are all about letting their kids decide what they are. They call parents who make choices for their children “obnoxious,” chastising them for not challenging how they’re expected to look and act based on their sex.
Their two older sons, Jazz and Kio, according to their parents, already “decide” when to cut their hair and what clothes to wear. Five-year-old Jazz recently picked out a pink dress; he wears his hair long and in three braids. Two-year-old Kio keeps his curly blond hair just below his chin. If Jazz want to stay home from school, that is all right with the mother too.
Witterick and Stocker are under the delusion that they are giving their children the freedom to choose, but in fact, the children are no doubt picking up signals from the parents. A child of five does not make choices. He looks to his parents for cues and then choose what he thinks will please them.
It's all about what behavior the parents are reinforcing. If the children braid their hair and wear dresses and stay home from school, and they pick up signals of approval from the parents for doing these things, the parents are thus reinforcing that behavior. This often happens: parents reinforce behavior even though they don't consciously intend to. If the two boys get a smile of approval every time they wear dresses, they will continue to wear dresses. The parents may think they are smiling because they enjoy the boy's freedom of choice, but this is not what their boys pick up.
Even the choice not to tell the boys their gender is a decision these parents are making for their children. For them to pretend they are not making decisions amounts to self-deception and vanity. They want to out-PC everybody else to show just how progressive they are—at the expense of their sons.
As other outraged professionals have pointed out, children need to have a strong sense of identity, including gender identity, to go through life. Instead, these children are being used as pawns in their parents’ crusade against gender stereotypes. As a result they will likely grow up confused about their gender and with a chip on their shoulders due to unpleasant experiences they have been forced into enduring by their parents.
Sometimes, unfortunately, politics overruns common sense.
Kathy Witterick, 38, and her husband, David Stocker, 39, said they wanted to eliminate any chance for gender stereotypes to creep into their children’s development. “It is inappropriate to impose gender identity on a child,” she stated in a report by Zachary Roth on The Lookout, a Yahoo News Blog. “If you really want to get to know someone,” her husband echoed, “You don’t ask what’s between their legs.”
The couple refused to reveal the sex of their newest son, Storm, not even to their nearest relatives, until he was born, and then they proceeded not to tell the boy anything about his gender identity nor surround him with anything that suggested either sex. They claim they are all about letting their kids decide what they are. They call parents who make choices for their children “obnoxious,” chastising them for not challenging how they’re expected to look and act based on their sex.
Their two older sons, Jazz and Kio, according to their parents, already “decide” when to cut their hair and what clothes to wear. Five-year-old Jazz recently picked out a pink dress; he wears his hair long and in three braids. Two-year-old Kio keeps his curly blond hair just below his chin. If Jazz want to stay home from school, that is all right with the mother too.
Witterick and Stocker are under the delusion that they are giving their children the freedom to choose, but in fact, the children are no doubt picking up signals from the parents. A child of five does not make choices. He looks to his parents for cues and then choose what he thinks will please them.
It's all about what behavior the parents are reinforcing. If the children braid their hair and wear dresses and stay home from school, and they pick up signals of approval from the parents for doing these things, the parents are thus reinforcing that behavior. This often happens: parents reinforce behavior even though they don't consciously intend to. If the two boys get a smile of approval every time they wear dresses, they will continue to wear dresses. The parents may think they are smiling because they enjoy the boy's freedom of choice, but this is not what their boys pick up.
Even the choice not to tell the boys their gender is a decision these parents are making for their children. For them to pretend they are not making decisions amounts to self-deception and vanity. They want to out-PC everybody else to show just how progressive they are—at the expense of their sons.
As other outraged professionals have pointed out, children need to have a strong sense of identity, including gender identity, to go through life. Instead, these children are being used as pawns in their parents’ crusade against gender stereotypes. As a result they will likely grow up confused about their gender and with a chip on their shoulders due to unpleasant experiences they have been forced into enduring by their parents.
Sometimes, unfortunately, politics overruns common sense.
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