Should parents do therapy for their children's sake?

A new study indicates that mothers who are diagnosed with mental health problems a year after they give birth, tend to have children with behavioral problems.

Half the mothers in the study, reported on Forbes.com, had a condition a year after delivery in at least one of three categories: mental health, substance abuse, or domestic violence. At the same time 22 percent of the children had at least one type of behavioral problem such as aggression, anxiety-depression, or inattention/hyperactivity. The more problems a mother reported, the more likely her child would develop behavioral problems by the age of three.

After 30 years of practice in psychotherapy, I am not at all surprised at the results of this study. I have made this connection myself again and again when adult patients tell me about a mother who suffered from depression, was hospitalized due to a schizophrenic breakdown, had problems with alcohol or other drugs, was involved in an abusive relationship, or had some other severe mental disorder at the time they were born.

I have also made this connection when I work with young couples that are having and raising children. I have encountered a number of cases in which the father is in therapy with me but the wife is resistant to therapy. Mother are particularly important during the first few years of a child’s life.

In one such case many years ago a wife suffered from postpartum depression. She was unable to nurture her new baby after she came home from the hospital, so the father had to take over this role after work. Fortunately, the father had been in therapy for a few years and he was able to be loving and nurturing when he was home. But his job called for him to travel a lot and there were many weeks when he wasn’t home and the baby was neglected.

After a year, the mother had recovered to the extent that she was able to carry on with her life in a somewhat limited way. She was able to feed and care for the baby, but her depression caused her to be negative and critical toward the boy—as she was about life in general. Often she lost her temper and yelled at him.

Again and again, the father, at my urging, would bring up the notion that the mother should seek treatment. Whenever he did, the mother would be appalled.

“I don’t need therapy! You think everybody needs therapy.”

“Well, I’ve gotten a lot out of it and I think you could too.”

“I’m fine. I was a little depressed after I came home from the hospital. I just felt empty because everything was over. But I’m fine now.”

“But, you know, sometimes you get into fights with Joey over little things and you start yelling at him, and, well, I think therapy…”

“I know what I’m doing! Therapy is not for everyone!”

He never made any headway in these discussions.

A few years later the child began to have learning problems in school as well as problems getting along with other children.

Should parents do therapy for the sake of their children? What do you think?